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If you have children you have been there, an hour past the established set bedtime for your child, and you and your child are still struggling over whether or not your child is going to go to sleep. It really does not matter how old your child is, the struggle is one that can last until your child is old enough to leave home and live on their own. If you start while your child is young, and lay down some ground rules for bedtime, your chances for having a calm, struggle-free bedtime improve.
Believe it or not, the bedtime issues you will face with your child have their roots in how you dealt with sleep time in your child's earliest years. Mothers who rock or hold their babies until sleep overcomes them, find toddlers and young children who have difficulties falling asleep on their own. The family bed concept may work for you as a parent, but it does place complications on a bedtime that occurs before adults are ready for sleep. Weaning a child from the family bed becomes much more difficult with time. If you prefer not to find yourself in a situation where you are tied into your child's bedtime, you need to prepare both your child and yourself for this separation.
Toddlers require the most routine and structure in their lives. If your toddler has a set routine to follow each night before bedtime, it becomes much easier for you as a parent to get your toddler to follow along without a real struggle. In order to be successful with your routine, it requires discipline on the part of the parent. Parents cannot allow part of the routine to slip due to inconvenience or because they are tired on more than a very occasional basis. A routine that is not followed regularly loses value to a toddler and ceases to be "a routine". Incorporate all potential postponement devices into the routine, a drink of water, a bedtime story, kisses for all family members (including the family pet), checking under the bed and in the closet for monsters, brushing teeth, and other important rituals that might be established in your family. Try to follow the same pattern each evening. Try to start at the same time each evening. Give your child a ten to fifteen minute warning that the bedtime process is about to start. Getting your child to bed at the same time each night promotes good sleep patterns and will help your child be more rested and responsive to his/her world.
Once your child starts school, bedtime takes on more significance. A child who has not had enough sleep tends to be grouchy and difficult to deal with. While getting enough sleep does not guarantee that your child will be a good student, it does provide a good foundation for learning behavior on which a parent or teacher can build. Your school age child also needs routine to help promote an easy, stress-free bedtime. Again, give your child a warning that the bedtime process is about to start. Incorporate that last drink of water, teeth brushing, and a bedtime story into the process. Ensure there are not a lot of distractions in your child's room that might prevent an easy sleep time. Sometimes it helps to allow your child fifteen minutes of quiet reading time before lights out. What works best though, is establishing your routine and ensuring that you stick to it.
Some parents thought that the toddler years were the most challenging for getting a child to bed, only to find that the preteen and early teen years are truly the most difficult. Social and educational distractions can make getting your 10-15 year-old child to bed a nightmare. At this stage, you can send your child to bed repeatedly only to find them up again wandering through the house because they have remembered something else that they need to do. Some simple ground rules can help:
1. Homework needs to be completed at a certain time each day. Set-up a special homework area within your home and ensure that your child is spending the specified time actually completing their homework.
2. Limit phone calling to a certain timeframe, no calls after 8:00 p.m. say. Have your child communicate that need to their friends, and do not allow them to take calls after the specified time.
3. Exercise and overstimulation prior to bedtime can make sleep difficult for your child. Ensure that here is a relaxation downtime after an especially stimulating activity. As with adults, bathing before bedtime can help put a child into a sleep frame of mind.
4. Watch your child's eating and snacking prior to bedtime. Overeating and some types of food might make sleep difficult for your child.
5. Worry can affect your child's ability to sleep also. Help determine what might be worrying your child and help them to make a plan to resolve whatever issue it is that is causing them distress. As with adults, a plan of action can go a long way towards reducing your stress.
Once your child reaches their high school years, they will basically be on their own for determining how much sleep they need and when they should be going to bed. By teaching them through their early years what good sleep patterns are, hopefully you will have established good habits in them that they continue. Adults with sleep problems can tell you how much they wish they had learned good sleep behaviors when they were young.
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